I won't climb Mount Everest I won't ever do my best I won't blow the Sphinx's nose I won't love with both eyes closed I won't crash into the Moon I won't be your trial balloon I won't get a second chance To stumble through this lifelong dance I won't vow silence I won't vow chastity But I might consider fasting for a while... There are so many things that I won't do Like I won't write this song about you When I say I won't touch the cold of space It's not about you When I say I won't own the human race It's not about you When I swear I'll never get used to the smell of bullshit It's not about you either Why does every fucking thing have to be about you? You you you you you There are so many things that I won't do Like I won't write this song about you I won't ever turn and run I won't steal except for fun I won't travel back in time I won't force this goddamned rhyme I won't ever lock my door I won't kick puppies anymore I won't tell you who I am Coz frankly, I don't give a damn I won't surrender I won't kill anyone And I swear I won't act stupid when you smile There are so many things that I won't do Like I won't write this song about you

I used to use her toothbrush She took the toothpaste too And the pots and pans and furniture Dishes and shampoo Now I'm sitting in my underwear Throwing beer cans at the wall I'd phone and threaten suicide Don't know where to call She left me her cell phone In pieces on the floor She's harshing my mellow Don't know what for She'll come back once she understands She's the one who's wrong I don't know what I see in her She's hardly worth this song She'll beg me for forgiveness She'll get down on her knees She'll come back any day now Come back any day now Come back any day now Come back any... Light in the tunnel Oncoming train Wounds self inflicted Worst kind of pain

Stripe of orange paint 'round the old elm tree at the corner, the last one on the block My dog sniffs the trunk like he always does Lifts his leg and says "I was here too" And the sign on the curb says "No parking monday 8 to 4 Tree work, order of the city" In the dappled shade that won't be here tomorrow Lost in thought, til my dog tugs on the leash Sometimes I forget to eat Sometimes I forget to breathe Sometimes I forget where I am We walk on to the falls, and down the steps The creek is swollen from the rain The sun is out, the air is cool A rainbow hovers in the mist For a thousand years this creek has cut this rock In a million more it'll all be gone My dog is waiting, I say his name He looks at me and we walk away Sometimes I forget to eat Sometimes I forget to breathe Sometimes I forget where I am

Jesus in one ear, the Devil in the other In her left hand there's a beer, in her right hand there's another She's such an old woman for such a young mother There's a party at the halfway house Her younger one's six, her older one's ten And she's just so proud of her little men Maybe next month they'll let her see them again It's a party at the halfway house A life to be proud of, the wife of a good man She'd have it all if she just tried But deep down she knows better, this road just goes nowhere The only way off it is high Sunday is church, she'll dress all in blue Hung over and praying not to hurl in the pew Them church ladies love to feel better than you It's a party at the halfway house A house with a garden, a car and a tv And everything money can buy She can feel things are changing, her new life is waiting The best way to get there is high Jesus in one ear, the Devil in the other Salvation is one way, getting high is another Coz Hell's all around her, but Heaven's above her There's a party at the halfway house There's a party at the halfway house

Driving through Wisconsin, going to or from Chicago You're probably stuck on Highway 94 You may need gas or coffee, or you maybe wanna pee More likely you're just feeling really bored Construction cones and moo cows, radar traps and roadkill Billboards shouting everywhere you see The billboards tell you what's in store if you dare leave ol' 94 Fireworks pornography and cheese The Dells are just a tourist trap, Madison's just students Some people drink Milwaukee's shitty beer No one knows why Tomah's there, that's also true about Eau Claire Hudson just means Minnesota's near We save the best for the middle, or well maybe, I won't go there The punchline of this joke, Menomonie (doo doo dee dee doo) Menomonie (doo doo dee doo) Menomonie, monotony, monotony, monotony Monotony Monotony Monotony Monotony Monotony Monogamy Monotony Fireworks pornography and cheese The highway America's love affair with road trips The slowest way of getting there - no, that's steamships But steamships cannot get you across Wisconsin It's not slow, it's just way too long Are we there yet? Harleys in the summer, snowplows when it snows Trailers filled up to the brim with junk Buses, milk trucks, moving vans, SUVs with Packer fans Rusty cars with deer strapped to the trunk Smoke bombs and M80s, anal lesbo nurses Cheese of almost every sort but brie You can live without this stuff, but you don't really wanna Fireworks pornography and cheese Your money's gone and so's your gas You can't escape Wisconsin Your car's filled with explosives, food and sleaze You didn't mean to buy it all But you just had to go there Fireworks pornography and cheese