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Fireworks Pornography and Cheese (live at Marscon 2013)

from Loose Ends by Dave Stagner

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about

This is almost certainly the best song I've ever written, maybe the best song I'll ever write.

It was inspired by a road trip back from Chicago to Minneapolis with my bandmate Beth Kinderman. The drive consists of about a half hour of Illinois, six hours of Wisconsin, and a half hour of Minnesota. Beth (a Wisconsin native) observed that there are three things you can find at any highway exit in Wisconsin - fireworks, pornography, and cheese. Then she told me to write a song about it. So I did.

This live recording originally appeared on the 2014 Marscon Dementia Track Fundraiser album, with various artists who performed the amazing Marscon comedy music track in 2013. It was performed as part of the FuMP Jukebox, a sunday concert where various performers get one original song each. Many thanks to Marscon, the Great Luke Ski, and everyone else who makes the Marscon Dementia track so magical. The song received substantial attention and airplay on the (late, lamented) Mad Music Top 20 countdown, where it charted very well for many weeks.

The song has since worked its way into the Feng Shui Ninjas repertoire, so we'll have a band recording someday. Someday!

lyrics

Driving through Wisconsin, going to or from Chicago
You're probably stuck on Highway 94
You may need gas or coffee, or you maybe wanna pee
More likely you're just feeling really bored
Construction cones and moo cows, radar traps and roadkill
Billboards shouting everywhere you see
The billboards tell you what's in store if you dare leave ol' 94
Fireworks pornography and cheese

The Dells are just a tourist trap, Madison's just students
Some people drink Milwaukee's shitty beer
No one knows why Tomah's there, that's also true about Eau Claire
Hudson just means Minnesota's near
We save the best for the middle, or well maybe, I won't go there
The punchline of this joke, Menomonie
(doo doo dee dee doo)
Menomonie
(doo doo dee doo)

Menomonie, monotony, monotony, monotony
Monotony
Monotony
Monotony
Monotony
Monotony
Monogamy
Monotony
Fireworks pornography and cheese

The highway
America's love affair with road trips
The slowest way of getting there - no, that's steamships
But steamships cannot get you across Wisconsin
It's not slow, it's just way too long

Are we there yet?

Harleys in the summer, snowplows when it snows
Trailers filled up to the brim with junk
Buses, milk trucks, moving vans, SUVs with Packer fans
Rusty cars with deer strapped to the trunk
Smoke bombs and M80s, anal lesbo nurses
Cheese of almost every sort but brie
You can live without this stuff, but you don't really wanna
Fireworks pornography and cheese

Your money's gone and so's your gas
You can't escape Wisconsin
Your car's filled with explosives, food and sleaze
You didn't mean to buy it all
But you just had to go there
Fireworks pornography and cheese

credits

from Loose Ends, released July 23, 2016
The Great Luke Ski: Introduction!

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about

Dave Stagner image

Dave Stagner Minneapolis, Minnesota

I am a guitarist, songwriter, recording engineer, and musical polymath based in Minneapolis.

I have played in countless bands over the years, most notably the Feng Shui Ninjas, Beth Kinderman & the Player Characters, and Al Amarja.

All recordings produced at Extraterrestrial Highway, my home studio. I love living in the future! ... more

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