Fireworks Pornography & Cheese

from by Dave Stagner

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I was driving back from Chicago to Minneapolis with my bandmate Beth Kinderman, when she observed that there are three things that can be found at every exit in Wisconsin - and that I should write a song about it. So I did.


Driving through Wisconsin going to or from Chicago
You're probably stuck on Highway 94
You may need gas or coffee or you maybe wanna pee
More likely you're just feeling really bored
Construction cones and moo cows, radar traps and roadkill
Billboards shouting everywhere you see
The billboards tell you what's in store if you dare leave ol' 94
Fireworks pornography & cheese

The Dells are just a tourist trap, Madison's just students
Some people drink Milwaukee's shitty beer
No one knows why Tomah's there, that's also true about Eau Claire
Hudson just means Minnesota's near
We save the best for the middle, or well maybe, I won't go there
The punchline of this joke, Menomonie (doo doo dee dee doo)
Menomonie (doo dee dee doo)

Menomonie, monotony, monotony, monotony
monotony, monotony, monotony, monotony
monotony, monotony, monogamy, monotony
Fireworks pornography & cheese

The highway, America's love affair with road trips
The slowest way of getting there, no, that's steamships
But steamships cannot get you across Wisconsin
It's not slow, it's just way too long

Are we there yet?

Harleys in the summer, snowplows when it snows
Trailers filled up to the brim with junk
Buses, milk trucks, moving vans, SUVs with Packer fans
Rusty cars with deer strapped to the trunk
Smoke bombs and M80s, anal lesbo nurses
Cheese of almost every sort but brie
You can live without this stuff but you don't really wanna
Fireworks pornography & cheese

Your money's gone and so's your gas, you can't escape Wisconsin
Your car's filled with explosives, food & sleaze
You didn't mean to buy it all, but you just had to go there
Fireworks pornography & cheese


from This Is How Elvis Died, released October 14, 2019
Dave Stagner - guitars and vocal
Justin Hartley - cajon
Dennis Maddix - bass




Dave Stagner Minneapolis, Minnesota

I am a guitarist, songwriter, recording engineer, and musical polymath based in Minneapolis.

I have played in countless bands over the years, most notably the Feng Shui Ninjas, Beth Kinderman & the Player Characters, and Al Amarja.

All recordings produced at Extraterrestrial Highway, my home studio. I love living in the future!
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