Off some suburban exit
Near abandoned strip malls
Faint odor of fast food
Kinda makes my skin crawl
Up ahead in the distance
I see a parking space
Google Maps says that I’ve arrived
I guess this must be the place

Couldn’t find registration
I guess no one’s in charge
And I was thinking to myself
This hotel just can’t be that large
I went looking for ops staff
No one showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
Thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel Concellation
Everyone is gone
You can’t find the con
Plenty of rooms at the Hotel Concellation
Happens every year
You can’t find a beer

The art show’s totally empty
There are no honored guests
We don’t have pretty cosplay kids
Or any friends
How they wander the lobby
Rank gamer sweat
Some drink to remember
Some drink to forget
So I called up the con chair
Asked if anything’s fine
He said the con’s been running here since
1969
And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say

Welcome to the Hotel Concellation
Everyone is gone
You can’t find the con
No one ever goes to the Hotel Concellation
It was no surprise
Schedule full of lies

Music circle’s silent
No one ever comes
We are all just panelists here
Of our own fandoms
And in the empty consuite
They gathered for the feast
They stabbed it with their plastic knives
But they just can’t kill the Beast
Last thing I remember
I was getting really bored
Had to find a passage back
To the famous party floor
Relax, said the con chair
We all love make believe
You can pre-reg for next year
But you can never leave

(parody of "Hotel California", by the Eagles)